Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
