Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
