please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
