its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
