If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize