i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
