my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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