I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
