How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
