You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
