To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
