HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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