sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
