is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
