my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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