dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm passing your future prison.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
