i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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