check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
