i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
