im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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