I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
