It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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