Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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