he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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