is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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