I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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