and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
