I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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