What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
