Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
