my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
