Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
