i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
