I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
