And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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