yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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