someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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