I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
