'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
