we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
