My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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