This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The adults are the big ones right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
