Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
