you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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