it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize