i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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