Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
