I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
