I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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