I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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