Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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