Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
