We won't sleep together?
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
