i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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