His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
