just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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