Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have demons in me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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