Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
