i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
