I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
