it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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