he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so let's talk penis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
