yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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